Tests you can't study for

First of all, I had started writing here at the end of last week and thought I had saved it but I can't find it anywhere!  Also, I realized I hadn't written here in so long! Partially because I've been busy (my niece got married, than Passover, than my kids coming home from university for the summer...) and because  I have been feeling terrible!.  So bad in fact that I went to see the respirologist on the lung transplant team.  I try to avoid going there at all costs for many reasons but here's just a couple of examples.

Two years ago I was admitted to hospital because of my headaches.  One day a psych nurse came to see me.  She explained that she was employed by the hospital 8:30 to 4:30 (not paid by our health care system) and she only worked with transplant patients who'd had their surgery 1 - 2 years ago.  Then she told me I had pre-existing anxiety disorder.  She didn't even know me! We had only spoken for about 5 minutes! Plus, as a psych nurse she is not allowed to make diagnoses.

About 5 or 6 years ago I was having terrible stomach aches and was sent to see a gastroenterologist. (Wow, I spelled that right).  He did a few tests and concluded that my system was backed up i.e.: that I was literally full of shit!  Nothing was done about it although.  Last July I came in to see the resperologist because I was having trouble breathing.  I did a breathing test and my scores had taken quite a drop.  A CT scan was done,  the dr. gave me an inhaler to use when I needed to and sent me on my way.

So, when I went in to see them last week they pulled out the two tests I mentioned above.  Seriously? I said to the dr. (by the way, you never get to see the same dr. twice).  You want to do something about these old tests now?  She showed me the CT scan and pointed out some white dots on my lungs which indicate infection.  So I've been walking around for a whole year with a lung infection?  Unbelievable.  Going for another CT scan on June 6th.  They also want me to do another gastro test.  This test involves eating half an egg sandwich (I wouldn't touch an egg sandwich with a 10 foot pole!) that has been laced with some kind of dye.  I am not doing that test.  At least not yet.

More soon! Keep reading and please comments.

The Naturopath

Last week I started seeing a naturopath who also does acupuncture.  Obviously I decided the dope was not the best plan (see last post).  We talked for an hour and a half about food.  As I may have mentioned before, I hate food.  What I mean by that is not that I truly hate food and don't eat, it just is of very little interest to me.  I could live on peanut butter sandwiches, McDonald's hamburgers and fries, diet coke or root beer, sushi and occasionally KFC.  I dislike grocery shopping and cooking.  I can cook, I just don't enjoy it.

So here's what the naturopath wants me to eat:

-chicken stock
-egg yolks
-beef stock made from the femur bone of a cow (with the fat)
-a smoothie made up of zucchini, green beans and curly parsley
-unpasturized milk
-nut butter (apparently commercial peanut butter is crap) and
-coconut oil

I was all "gung ho".  I bought the groceries and a blender. (See, I've been married 25 years and don't even own a blender.)  I made chicken soup and starting drinking a cup of the stock here and there or having a bowl of the soup to which I had added rice, carrots and mushrooms.  There was no way I was going to eat a cooked egg so I started adding a raw one to the fruit smoothies I make with my blender.  I find that relieves the 4 p.m. need for a snack.  I am sticking with the 1% milk I buy at the grocery store and have yet to try any of the other goodies he has suggested.

On Thursday I will start the acupuncture. Someone posted on yelp that this guy relieved her headaches after just two visits.  Fingers crossed.

Guilt

Last night that I wrote that I would work on my book, at least a little bit.  By the time I went to open my computer I realized it was Thursday.  Ever since we moved into this house and my husband's best friend from high school moved in two blocks away, it's been sort of "open house" here on Thursday.  My husband and his friend(s) stand around, sampling different scotches, sometimes tequila as well as smoke dope.  So they decided that I should try and smoke it for pain relief of my headaches.  It definitely worked but then I was well, stoned.  Just because my headache had gone away didn't mean I could hop in the car and do my errands.  it was decided that my husband would leave his vaporizer all charged with a relatively small amount of weed in it.  When I woke at seven this morning and my head was killing me, I took two hits off the vaporizer. Ah, headache gone.  But definitely had to go and lie down.  Right now I don't have a headache and I feel like I could drive.  So here I go.  As for my book, tomorrow is another day.

Procrastination

I promised myself on my birthday in January that I would write every day.  Well, now it's March and I haven't written anything new, just keep editing what I have.  It's Thursday so even if I start to write today I have a lot of errands to do tomorrow (there are no groceries in this house, not to mention dry cleaning to go in and having some pictures printed).  In fact, I haven't shopped since the kids were here 2 weeks ago for their reading week.  When I was in university reading week was a time to go somewhere warm with a bunch of friends and party.  Now, my daughter in 2nd year had to study mostly because she had two mid-terms as soon as she got back to school.  My son took the time to apply for jobs.  He will be graduating at the end of April as an Engineer in Systems and Design.  He had two interviews while he was home and is coming back on Monday for another.  He also got an offer on one of his previous interviews.  Yes, I'm bragging and proud. "Kvelling" we call it, the Jewish word for a parent bursting with pride.

But back to my procrastination.  I will write a few pages tonight and do my errands tomorrow and continue on Saturday while my husband is in his office catching up on his paperwork.  Writing these small details of my life here feels like a promise to myself.

Hey! It's Valentine's day!

Happy Valentines Day to those who care.  It's not that we don't love each other but my husband and I decided not to exchange gifts this year.  We've been together for 27 years.  Our first Valentine's Day he took a chunk of hash and shaped it into a heart.  No, seriously.  Tomorrow I will go and buy myself a box of milk chocolate covered cherries (everyone else in this house thinks they're gross) which I love and I'll be happy with that.  Plus tonight my sister and I are making a shower for our niece who is getting married in April.  So that kinda kills any sort of romantic dinner but tonight is the only night we could do if we wanted to include my daughter who is home from university for Reading Week.  I love my kids.  I would do anything for them.  But going from clean and quiet to messy and loud overnight is a huge leap for me.  Before I know it they'll both be gone and I'll miss them all over again.

I have been mostly editing my memoir lately while binge watching a T.V. show from 2012 (I think) called Nurse Jackie.  I loved it and highly recommend you check it out.  The writing is slow going although.  I am at the part where I introduce the role my parents played in my illness and it's really difficult to write.  That's all I'll say for now, don't want to give away too much.  This is actually my third attempt at this chapter in the book which tells you how hard it is for me to write it.

In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy my kids and try to stay warm.  It's -40 degrees Celsius here.

So many plans

I'm thinking of changing the title of my book to "Just Breathe".  After about 3 weeks of feeling like crap I have now straightened out all my medications and seem to be better.  And I have such a long "to do" list that needs to be done this week!  Well, I'll have to pop an oxy and get to it.  One thing I did do was read my book from start to finish and did some major editing.  In between the "to dos" I will get back to work as well as keep submitting querys to publishing houses.  I just know that I'm going to have to self publish, through Amazon in all likelihood.  I do know a couple of authors who did so and the sales were so high that they got picked up by a publishing house.  I think that is the most I can hope for.  Once published (through Amazon or anyone else) I plan to send a copy to Dr. Oz and to Ellen Degeneres.  If I could get on either of their shows, well, a girl can dream.

More of the same...

I am so embarrassed that it's been over a month since I have written here.  I have a long list of excuses but it's not enough.  My kids were both home over the winter break.  Only one fight.  I think that's pretty good.  Unfortunately I spent the first week in bed with the flu which I seem to be getting a lot of lately.  Headache, of course, and like someone has punched me in the gut.  I haven't left the house in  a week now.  I long to be one of those moms who makes dinner every night, always has groceries in the fridge and goes out with my husband at least once a week.  My husband, if any one is a hero than it's him.  He wants to go and do and I just don't have the strength.  I'm going for another round of botox tomorrow, maybe that will help.